When Skill Isn’t Enough: What Male Spa Pros Are Up Against
Most of us get into this field because we love helping people feel better in their bodies. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, assumptions and biases can quietly shape how we see each other—and how clients choose their providers.
One example that’s often hard to talk about? The experience of male estheticians and massage therapists.
This isn’t about taking sides or assigning blame. It’s about understanding how gender bias shows up in our field, especially when trauma is part of the picture—and how we can respond with compassion, care, and professionalism.
Why This Conversation Matters
The beauty and wellness space has historically been seen as a women-centric field —and in some ways, that’s created a supportive environment for many women. But it’s also meant that men in esthetics and massage often face quiet (and not-so-quiet) barriers to being seen, trusted, or chosen.
None of this means client preferences are wrong. Especially for those with trauma histories, the gender of a provider can feel like a deeply personal safety concern. That’s valid.
But we can still look at the larger picture and ask: Is there room to create more understanding—for clients, providers, and everyone in between?
What Male Professionals Often Encounter
These are some of the things men in the industry hear regularly:
- “Do you have any female therapists available?”
- “I just feel more comfortable with women.”
- “Men aren’t usually estheticians, are they?”
- “I’m not sure if I’ll be comfortable with a man giving me a massage.” or "I’m not sure if the pressure will be too much with a male therapist."
It’s not always meant as judgment. Often, it’s just what people are used to.
Still, over time, it can wear on a professional. Especially when they’ve worked hard to build trust, study technique, and show up with integrity—only to be second-guessed because of gender.
Understanding Where It Comes From
These preferences and assumptions don’t come out of nowhere. They’re shaped by:
- Social norms about who’s “supposed to” do healing work
- Media portrayals that often link male touch with intimacy or danger
- Cultural silence around nonsexual, therapeutic touch from men
These messages are absorbed over time—and not just by clients. Sometimes, we internalize them too, without realizing it.
And while this post focuses on bias toward male providers, it’s worth noting that traditional gender expectations can also make it difficult for nonbinary or gender-diverse professionals—and clients—to feel fully seen or supported in spa settings.
When Past Trauma Shapes Client Comfort
This part matters deeply. Some clients are survivors of assault, medical trauma, or other experiences that affect how they feel in their bodies. For many of them, choosing a female provider isn’t about bias—it’s about feeling safe.
There’s no “fix” for that. Nor should there be. Understanding and respecting these boundaries is essential to providing the best care for all clients.
What we can do is create an environment where those preferences are respected—and where male professionals are treated with the same care and consideration.
Clients can have preferences, and professionals can be protected from assumptions. Those two things can coexist.
How Bias Affects Spas and Solo Practices
When gender-based assumptions go unexamined, they quietly shape:
- Who gets hired
- How appointments are booked
- Which team members get the most opportunities
- How comfortable people feel showing up fully in their role
Even solo practitioners feel this. A male massage therapist might offer truly exceptional or transformative treatments—but lose potential clients before they’ve had a chance to build trust.
And for spa owners or front desk teams? These situations can feel awkward to navigate—especially if you’re trying to honor everyone’s needs.
Supportive Strategies That Respect Everyone
Here are a few ways to open up this conversation—and gently shift how your spa or practice holds space for both clients and male professionals:
1. Let intake forms speak first
Include a section that says:
Please let us know your provider preference (optional):
☐ I have a preference for a male provider
☐ I have a preference for a female provider
☐ I’m open to any provider based on availability
☐ I have a gender-neutral or nonbinary preference
This allows space for clients whose comfort or identity may not fit within the male/female binary, while reinforcing that all providers are welcome and respected here.
Online Booking System Updates
If your spa offers online booking, consider giving clients the option to select a preferred provider by gender directly through the booking interface. If a client doesn’t specify, you can make it clear that both male and female professionals are available. This removes the need for any uncomfortable follow-up calls or misunderstandings.
Clear Communication Over the Phone
When clients call to schedule, train your staff to ask: "Would you prefer a male or female provider today, or are you open to any of our professional team members?" By using neutral, open-ended language, you create an opportunity to discuss preferences while also reinforcing that your male therapists are equally skilled and ready to meet their needs.
2. Use bios that center skill and personality—not gender
Instead of listing someone as a “male therapist,” describe their strengths:
“Grounding, slow-paced massage that focuses on restoring the nervous system.”
This helps shift the focus from identity to how they help people feel.
Bonus Tip: If appropriate, add a line about the training or certification that underscores the provider’s high level of skill, such as: “Trained in deep tissue and neuromuscular therapy to help alleviate chronic tension and improve mobility.”
3. Support your front desk with language that feels kind and open
Instead of “Do you want a male or female provider?”
Try: “We have a few highly trained providers available. Would you like to learn more about each of their specialized approaches and training?”
This invites curiosity without assumption.
4. Build confidence through team conversations
It’s not about solving everything overnight. But making space to talk about gender, bias, and trauma can be healing in itself.
You might ask:
- What have our male providers experienced that we might not see?
- How do we hold space for clients who’ve experienced trauma—without implying men are unsafe?
- How can we make our whole team feel seen, valued, and supported?
5. Let storytelling build trust
A simple Q&A in a newsletter or social post can go a long way. When male professionals share their passion, their background, or what drew them to healing work, it humanizes the role in a way that breaks down walls.
Clients don’t need to be convinced. They just need time, context, and the freedom to choose.
Moving Forward with Care
This conversation isn’t simple—and it’s not supposed to be.
But if we’re willing to sit in the nuance, ask thoughtful questions, and design our systems with choice, consent, and curiosity at the center, something begins to shift.
It becomes less about gender and more about connection. Less about expectation, and more about experience.
And that’s something everyone can benefit from—clients, providers, and the future of this industry we all care about.
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